From ‘euphemistic’ to ‘plain moronic’ is the scathing summation of the Financial Times’ Lucy Kellaway as she hands out her annual jargon awards to companies more at home with obfuscation than clarity.
If you’re a company who want to dress up a couple of thousand redundancies to make it sound like the best thing since sliced bread, or you are prone to using three words where one would do, you could be in line for an award.
Our dear friends at eBay took home the top prize for 2016 though, Lucy noted a comment given to the New York Times which she summarises as “Bingo! In fewer than 20 words it combined five previous years’ winners, only to say nothing at all” and wins eBay the Golden Flannel Award for 2016.
And just in case you’re curious, the winning phrase dripping with meaningless keywords beloved of marketeers was: “We are passionate about harnessing our platform to empower millions of people by levelling the playing field for them.”
2 Responses
The category manager capitalizes on robust strategy formulations. Workflows motivate the Chief Identity Officer, paving the way for efficient interpersonal skills; this is why value proposition and integration structure pyramids. There can be no disciplined shift in value until we can achieve an unparalleled shift in value. The standard-setters structure our next-generation tactics. Executive benchmarks motivate the innovators. We are working hard to address known unknowns. The key representatives front-face the key, mission-critical and differentiating channels. We need to calibrate diversities, while our measurable, corporate, emotional impact cultivates a benefit. The innovator drives the dotted lines in the core. The white-collar workforce re-imagines our granularities. As a result, the Co-Manager of Internal Audit structures a value proposition. A strategy-focused global network empowers a white paper, whilst the stakeholders do the projects right. The gatekeeper differentiates our cost-effective business cases. The core business transfers organizational strategic staircases as part of the plan. The Chief Business Operations Officer boosts our case study. A progressive and/or state-of-the-art time-to-value promotes the game changers; nevertheless a modular, competent, full range of products deepens well-implemented brand pyramids. Our challenge is not to analyse our sizeable yield enhancement. Our challenge is to table an innovativeness.
Andy R for Prime Minister…